Welcome to My Ethical Wedding!

The average American wedding costs in excess of $22,000.

Half of all weddings include the services of a wedding coordinator.

189 guests attend the average wedding.

The average groom is almost 27 years old.

Eighty percent of all American weddings take place in a church or synagogue.

Seventy-five percent of brides receive a diamond engagement ring.

The average wedding produces two garbage trucks full of waste.

We will not be having an average wedding.

My name is Kate. I'm a sometimes-writer who loves to bake and listen to big band on autumn days in our Brooklyn brownstone apartment. I love scrabble, good soup, community-building, growing things, and reading voraciously. I feel guilty when lights are on and I'm not in the room. I'm awful at being teased. I am a feminist.

Jeremy is 21, and a Sustainability Coordinator for a major university. We met as students in a class called "Philosophical Perspectives on Feminism and Gender." He is a poet, procrastinator, pragmatist, prosciutto enthusiast. He has a special affinity for large trees.

Since our engagement four weeks ago, Jeremy and I have spent a lot of time talking about how our wedding will veer from the traditional path.  That discussion must happen between most couples - everyone wants their special day to be personal, memorable, to reflect the unique aspects of their relationship and their union. We want our ceremony to reflect our values. But too often, radical people who started off their planning process with the best intentions find themselves standing on a $15,000 altar in a foofy white dress, looking out at a crowd of people they don't necessarily recognize, repeating "to honor and obey" and thinking, I can't wait until this is over.

So few couples seem to make it through the wedding gauntlet that limited examples and resources exist for couples like us - particularly in comparison to the vast matrimonial machine soliciting our traditions and our wallets. That's why I'm starting this website - to serve as both a resource and (hopefully!) an inspiration to other couples planning ethical weddings.

Over the next few posts, I'm going to be discussing what we mean by 'ethical' - which ethics, exactly, we mean to espouse...pun intended. But my hope is that this site - and our wedding - moves beyond niches like "eco-wedding" and "feminist wedding" to embrace all the principles we want our wedding to embody, and our life together beyond it.

So, welcome. If you, too, are seeking to create a sustainable, fantastical, socially responsible, egalitarian, integrated, diverse, generous, embodied, progressive, local, abundant, radical wedding - your ideas, responses, questions, considerations, and support are welcome here. And if you just have good ideas (or see flaws in ours), we want your feedback. You are cordially invited to our ethical wedding community. Namaste!

Kate

Comments

[Jeremy]

cool resources, muftie!

[Al]

My bestest friend,

As always, your writing inspires and entertains. I'm looking forward to reading (and being with you, via phone and spirit) through this journey!

Love you,
Al

[Merry Croft]

I'm in for the ride, through the wedding and beyond, to a new son-in-law (and grandchildren!) and knowing that you will always have someone who loves you to share your life with. I am glad you are taking this opportunity to document the journey for yourselves and for others who will benefit by your experiences and insight.

Although I believe "obey" has been taken out of most modern day marriage ceremonies, I am sure nothing else positive has been added to enhance the true meaning of the day, only pomp and circumstance. I so hope you and Jeremy find a new way to express your heart song. Your Father and I are here with all the support we have always tried to give our precious daughter, as well for the one she loves.

Mom

[Marie]

Kate.
I love that I have you to look up to and learn from.

-Maria

[philwino]

Kate, thanks for inviting me in! If and when you have time, I can tell you how I had a 50-guest wedding--and a 1-guest wedding. Good luck in your planning!

Phil :-)